Just Deal With It by "The Thinker"

Just Deal With It by "The Thinker"

December 11, 2013 at 10:19am

Just Deal With It "They" Say…

But what if I don’t want to just deal with it?
What if I don’t want to find acceptable
What everybody else finds acceptable?

What if I don’t want to just let stuff go?
What if I don’t want to say that wrong is right
And right is wrong?
What if I don’t want to be a part of this world
In which all I see is evil to the left to the right
And all around me
And all just want to cause harm

What if I don’t feel like being the peppy one today
And saying encouraging and positive things
When who is it that encourages me?
Who pushes me?
Who speaks life over me?
I cannot continue to prophecy great things over a world
And a people
That doesn’t appear to see reality
And I admit that I am dissatisfied with all that I see
And with all that I hear

Every day I see people going to and fro
With shackles on their hands and feet
Because most of all their minds are shackled
They aren't free!

And I’m supposed to pray for them?!
How can I ?
When they don’t even care about themselves
When they don't even know themselves

And why do I live in a world such as this?
In which, every day all I see is negativity?
When I go on the social sites
And look at this fake reality
Of these fake friends
And these fake lives
And I am disgusted
And flabbergasted
And yet somehow I must sadly look
And then shake my head sadly

But I long to walk away from it all
And from everything
And just be a guru or a shaman
Living in a mountaintop high up in the woods
Away from any and everything
But God
Because honestly if I have Him
Does anyone else truly matter?

Or as I told my love once
I am in my own little corner
And there is room only for you, God and me
And I don’t want anyone else
There because
With so-called familial or friendship ties
Comes all sorts of emotional turmoil
And negative spiritual attachments

So what am I saying as I’m rambling on and on
In this piece?

I’m checking out.

I am through with this “world”
I have to live in this temporary and temporal place
But I am not of it
So goodbye to all who choose to subscribe to it and its norms
I’m done with it all.

And with this goodbye to worldly things, places, and people
I transcend to a higher place

And yes, emphatically, you cannot go where I’m going

You are not worthy

You would cause pain, destruction, and turmoil

Positivity Written by Kimberly A. Goins, Esq.

Positivity written by Kimberly A. Goins, Esq.

December 16, 2013 at 3:12pm

Negativity to the left of me
Negativity to the right of me
Negativity in front of me
Negativity behind me
I’m literally surrounded
By angst, anguish and anger
I push past those as quickly as possible
Only to encounter brutality, banality, and boorishness
And I all the time am simply trying
To maintain my sane
Can’t have it “insane in the membrane” (quote)
But how to not have it and “them” affect
Me and “us”
Because as me and my baby constantly say
It’s “us” against “them”
Or us against the world
And though we choose to live in this world
We choose to not be a part of this world

That’s all easily said
But I still cannot stop
Cannot stop and cannot stop
These stray thoughts from entering into my head
As I see pain and sadness
And sickness and panic
And a blanket of unhappiness
Is literally draped all over some people
And I cannot help it
I cannot help it
I cannot help it
That I am still filled with compassion and
There is emphathy
Perhaps where there should be none
But alas I am my Father’s daughter
And so like Jesus said to His beloved
Forgive them Father for they know not what they do

And I’ve even tried
To not care about others
And I’ve even tried
To convince myself
That as long as I’m okay
That’s enough
Or rather as long as me and mine
And all who fall within my purview
And my circle are happy and fulfilled
Then that’s enough for me
But you know, that’s just a lie to me
Because truth be told I was not created to be that way

I was created to be more
To do more
And yes, even to love more
And so now instead of rejecting that task
And turning my back away
And shielding my eyes from their hurt
Instead I weep openly
With tears streaming down my face
As I sorrow and lament
Over the persons who are so filled with pain
That life for them is literally a living hell
And yes I wail for those who
Had so much self-hatred
That they hated me without cause
Yes, I am finally at that point
Where I say Lord, yes please bless my enemies!
Help them in every way
Because they are hurting so deep inside
And it’s a pain that has penetrated every pore of their being

How can I look at the daily news
And not be affected?
How can I see homeless people every day
And not ask myself have I done my part?
How can I ignore even that lost, lonely hurt person
Who seems to have it all, wealth and prosperity
And yet they would rather wrap their mouth around the barrel of a gun
Or embrace pain in the form of a needle
How can I not cry out for the person who says he hates someone
Because of the color of their skin
When clearly he hates himself more than he does them
After all, even Hitler was one of the most unhappy
And sad individuals that has existed

And if I forget that person that is on the sidelines
On the outskirts
Who is screaming at the top of their lungs
And yet nobody is listening
What kind of person would I be?
If I believe that one person can make a difference
Then why don’t I be about it?!
As one would say, be about that life
But I cannot admit that I, yes even I
Grew tired after years and years of fighting
And countless crusades
I actually thought that I could live the rest of my years
Behind the scenes
Without truly taking part in anything
Working and prospering financially
Working and prospering spiritually
And yet all who benefits from that is me
But that is not enough!
For one such as me
And so here is my first step
In the right direction

"My Scars" Written by Kimberly A. Goins, Esq.

It's been a while since I've posted anything on here, but I haven't stopped writing. If anything, I've been writing more than ever before. I have experienced quite a bit over the past few months, and the only true way to express all that I feel is through my writing. God has brought me a mighty long way. As of late I haven't really been posting much on here because He's blessed me to do other things with my writing. It wasn't too long ago that He blessed me to be able to sing some of my original songs at The Bluebird Cafe (Taylor Swift and Garth Brooks were both discovered there) and at Cafe Coco. Those were some of the most amazing experiences ever, and there are still more to come. I am just allowing Him to lead me and guide me. Often God wants to take us to a higher level, but in order to do so He has to remove some things from us, old hurts, pain, etc. This song, "My Scars," is about that. I hope that you enjoy!


Verse 1
You look at me and you are envious
Because you see someone
Whose life seems perfect
If you only knew
Just how wrong you are
How about I tell you the true story?

It's true that I have a smile on my face
And I constantly show positivity
That's not because I'm perfect
It's only God that gives me
This strength to keep on living

Chorus
My scars may not be visible
But they are still there
And I'm sharing them with you today
Because my scars no longer cause me pain
Instead they are my testimony

Verse 2
Yes, I was Valedictorian
Yes, I've preached a time or two
Yes, I graduated from college and law school
Yes, I'm beautiful now
But wait, there is still so much more

Yes, I was raped years ago
Yes, I used to be mistreated
All the time and by so many
Yes, I didn't love myself
For a long time
Yes, all I heard was negativity and criticism

Chorus
My scars may not be visible
But they are still there
And I'm sharing them with you today
Because my scars no longer cause me pain
Instead they are my testimony

Verse 3
Why am I sharing this with you today
I could just pretend that
My life has been so perfect
After all, isn't that what people think anyway
But I decided that I want to help somebody
Who also might be going through the same pain
So here you go
These are my scars
My emotional and physical scars
That I didn't think would ever heal
But I look at them now
And though they still are there
The hurt no longer remains

End with chorus
My scars may not be visible
But they are still there
And I'm sharing them with you today
Because my scars no longer cause me pain
Instead they are my testimony



.

“This Season Will Last For A Lifetime”

Written by Kimberly A. Goins

Verse 1

Those dark days you’ve experienced

Have come to an end

Those endless nights you spent with

Tears in your eyes

Are finally over

Those unhappy moments that came against you

Every single day have all become moments of happiness

That depression that often overwhelmed you

Has been lifted permanently this time

No more unhappiness

These storms are all over now

Chorus

Your pain, your anguish

Lasted just for a moment

But this joy you’re experiencing now

Will never end

You’re in your season

And this season will last for a lifetime

This season will last for a lifetime

Verse 2

All of the lies that people told about you

They have now been exposed

Those misunderstandings

And mischaracterizations of you

Oh, my child you are finally vindicated by me

They will never be able to cause harm to you again

The hurt you experienced personally

From their knives to your heart

Oh, I felt every one of them

And I bear it now for you

So that you will never have to  

Chorus

Your pain, your anguish

Lasted just for a moment

But this joy you’re experiencing now

Will never end

You’re in your season

And this season will last for a lifetime

This season will last for a lifetime

Verse 3

Endurance

That’s the first word I will say to you

When I see you in Heaven

Cause you endured beautifully

You could have given up

Ended your climb

It would have made so much sense

Cause there was a time when

You had no one to call on

And you couldn’t really feel me

Yet, I was always there

And I saw you when you cried

Even as your eyes were filled with tears

And your heart with despair

You still pressed on and believed

That tomorrow would be a brighter day

Though there were no signs of it

And I’m here today to say as your God

But more importantly, as your Father

And most of all, as your Best Friend

That day is here

Chorus

Your pain, your anguish

Lasted just for a moment

But this joy you’re experiencing now

Will never end

You’re in your season

And this season will last for a lifetime

This season will last for a lifetime

"The Trial"  Written by Kimberly A. Goins, Esq.

Spoken part, “Accuser’s Opening Argument”

Well, she really is one of ours

Look at her body of work

She has been sinning for so many years

I know you claimed her as your own

Because of her confession to you at the age of ten

But her actions since then don’t really seem to support

Her being found “innocent”

Because for twenty years she really acted like one of ours

She smoked and did drugs

Drank so much alcohol

Was sexually promiscuous

Didn’t really go to church all that often

And now on her death bed, you are claiming that she is yours

Well, tell me how are you entitled to her soul?

Verse 1 "First Defendant's response"

Accuser, you cannot have my soul

Accuser, I’m not guilty anymore

See, what you said might very well be true

In that I backslid for quite some time

But what you don’t know is that I never lost my Father’s love

And He was keeping me even when I didn’t always see Him

He was still loving and protecting me

And no matter how low I got

I was never too low to call on Him

And no matter how far I went

I was never too far from Him

And so even on my death bed, I am still His

Cause I never lost my salvation

He saw what you cannot see

He saw how I struggled all my life

A victim of far too much

Molested by evil, demonic relatives

Since that age of ten

But oh at that point I called on Him

Asked Him to save me

And I have been His every since

Chorus

I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten

My sins are cleansed

And I’m covered in the blood of the Lamb

I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten

My sins are all washed away

Can’t you see I’m literally covered in the blood of my Savior

Spoken part, "Accuser's Second Argument" 

Well, that may be true in regards to you

But I see another defendant to accuse

He, unlike you, never confessed the Lord

And I know that for certain he is one of ours

He sold drugs for many years

Caused so many souls to go astray

Through his illegal deeds

And his evil ways

He shot and killed and harmed countless souls

And now he has been shot and killed

And it’s time for him to spend his destiny in hell

There is no way that God would accept one such as him

So come on defendant, accept your punishment

You are guilty, guilty as sin!

Verse 2 "Second Defendant's Response"

Accuser, you cannot have my soul

See, you would have been so right

If not for just one thing

See, although I sinned for my entire life

I always knew about God

And I knew that I was doing Him wrong
I kept on putting off coming to Him
Over and over again
And every day I said that now is the time
But I never came to Him
Until, one day, actually the day that I died
See, what you didn’t know is that five minutes
Before my life was taken from me
I called on the Lord and repented of my sins
I told Him that I wanted to be His
And to be saved
I didn’t know that I was about to die
But lucky for me when I opened my eyes
I was in Paradise

Chorus
I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten
My sins are cleansed
And I’m covered in the blood of the Lamb
I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten
My sins are all washed away

"Accuser’s Closing Arguments"

Well, I may have been wrong a couple times before

But I know that I have got it exactly right this time

And I am here to claim one of my own

She is someone that was destined to be one of my mine

My demons had already attacked her family from the very time of her birth

She came into a situation that was virtually impossible to survive

See, I had already infiltrated her family

Through holes in their perfect facades

I used spirits of adultery, sexual promiscuity

Drug use, lying spirits, all matters of evil to break them

And when you go back and look at her family tree

You must realize that she is descended from evil kings and evil people

Who worshiped evil spirits

So, she is destined to be one of my mine

Her most powerful gifts are just like mine

Gifted in voice and beautiful in form

Oh, think of the millions she can seduce just

By that hypnotizing voice of hers

And those who won’t respond to her melodic voice

Will be deceived by her innocent face

And her “sinful” body

Oh, certainly, she is one of mine

And I don’t need to hear her claims

I already know this to be fact

She is guilty

There is no need for a trial

No one who could come from that

Could turn out good

"Criminal Defense Attorney's Response"

Verse 4

Accuser, you are right

In that you don’t have to hear her claims

But rather I, the Lord Jesus Christ, your adversary

Will speak on her behalf

See, I am her representative

You would have been right

But you neglected to consider one thing

She already has submitted her life to me

Heart, mind, body, and soul

So her future is already secure

And her name is written in the Book of Life

And it will not ever be blotted out

It doesn’t matter that you were able to reach her

With demonic attacks

To lie on her

To attack her directly

You are right in that

You had certain legal rights

Legal rights that I allowed

You were allowed to try to trick her

To try to deceive her

But in all that, oh devil, you were the one who was hoodwinked

Because I knew that she would never fail

And she was already saved

Your little tricks were just part of her period of testing

So thanks for what you’ve done

You’ve only made her stronger

And you have no legal claim to her or any of hers

See not only did she confess her own sins

And was instantly forgiven

But she took on all of the sins of the family

The generational curses

She brought them before my Father boldly

Confessing them and begging for His forgiveness

So accuser, you can accuse her no more

And your opening has been closed

And you are now ordered to leave her alone

Her and all who she knows

My hedge is all around her

And it will never never be broken

She is innocent!

She is innocent!

Sing it my child

 Chorus

I’m innocent
I’m innocent
Accuser, you can accuse me no more
I have been released from my prison cell
And the handcuffs have been taken off
There are no shackles on my feet
I’m innocent
In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit
I am innocent
I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten
My sins are cleansed
And I’m covered in the blood of the Lamb
I’m forgiven, it’s forgotten
My sins are all washed away
I’m innocent, so accuser you have to leave me alone.

"Untitled" Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

“Untitled”

Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

You overthink things!

Let your mind rest

Stop thinking about things

You say to me

But I cannot do this

Because that would be contradictory to my nature

And I cannot be like you and shut my mind off and simply go to sleep

And my mind is much more complex than that

And the mind is a paradox

Because it is a muscle of the most perplexing nature

And it can be expanded and strengthened

Or did you know?

And so my mind is much different than is yours

Because I strive to use every inch and aspect of it

Although that is impossible

And I wonder if it is within the mind

Where some small part of the soul is hidden

Since although real it is not always tangible

Especially to us in our limited physical state

And don’t be mad at me for tapping into the spiritual

Supernatural and incredible

And I want more than a life with physical experiences

Lived in the physical realm

And among physicalities

But rather my realities

Are much more different than are yours

Because you strive to escape spirituality

While I literally revel in it excited and happy

To finally have understanding

That yes, my life has purpose and meaning

And no I’m not crazy

Because spiritual is all that matters

Physical passes away and is destroyed

And when there is nothing left

And all is said and done

Only spiritual remains

So who is crazy now?

Who is overthinking things?

Oh no, dear sir, perhaps you are not thinking enough.

"Untitled" Written by Kimberly Ann Goins

I have no idea what to say about this piece really. It will have to speak for itself. It can be a song or a poem or a narrative. I am not sure what it is. This is just another new dimension to my writing. I cannot explain it. I wrote it, and it made no sense to me, but I literally wrote everything that came to mind.

“Untitled”



Part 1

I woke up at 3:00 in the morning unable to go back to sleep

I had a song in my heart that simply wouldn’t leave me

Cause I had so many thoughts on my mind

That had to be expressed somehow, oh yes

I needed to talk to myself for just a little while

So here is the conversation that I had with me

It’s a new day for you girl

All your problems of yesterday are all gone

The pain that used to define your existence has all been lifted

And you don’t have to walk around all burdened down anymore

Part 2

I didn’t really know what I was going to write in that moment

I admit that words were simply coming and what they were going to say I didn’t know

This is a different approach for me

I used to write completely in the spirit

Now, I still do, but it’s a different way now

I write with faith

And I had a dream before I woke up this morning

I was surrounded by fellow believers beginning to sing some praises

And I don’t recall the song, all I know is

They were people from my past

So many folks that I hadn’t seen in awhile, so what is that telling me?

Part 3

My moods are up and down

I don’t know how to explain that

It could be due to those spiritual experiences

Or is that simply all it is?

Because one minute I’m bowed down and broken

With tears staining my pillows

But literally a minute later I’m smiling and happy and at peace

All because I see something that gives me hope

Am I crazy?

I think not, maybe I’m just human

And yesterday I felt all over the place

But by the end of the day after battling my emotions

And putting all the work in to research and study God’s Word

And other sources

And reading A Purpose Driven Life at 4 in the morning to begin the day

And the Psalms late into the night almost as a new day approached

And certainly some breakthrough had to occur

And it did, but my feelings are still in flux

I finally feel stable and in control

But my emotions don’t agree with my common sense

And they are contradictory to my stability

I guess that’s why they are the reason I will always have

To continue to pray

Part 4

Is there really any other way to write

Other than solely as streams of consciousness?

When you wake up at 3 in the morning

And you can’t even go back to sleep

Until you express some words on the computer screen

Some words that provide a balm of healing to you

And you will be able to go to sleep

More tired but more complete

Exhausted but energized

Quite a paradox

And who wants to admit their mental conditions

Because by doing so you would appear flawed

But if you embrace them are they really weaknesses?

When they allow one to surpass mere mortality

And obtain the heights of genius

Okay, now this piece is getting too deep

And this sounds almost like ramblings

And I admit that sometimes I fear I am bipolar

Or at least that I have ADD or ADHD

Because I cannot calm down until

I have expressed myself in some written way

Or sung songs that never seem to end

And I have songs in the thousands

But I never am really done with writing songs

Because I never really will be not even when I’m in Heaven above

Part 5

And this piece ends much the way it began

With uncertainty on the part of the author

And here is the big secret of mine

The key to my soul is in my words

And my heart beats all over the pages

And another secret is

That I never write a single outline

And I never spend more than a few minutes

To write every song and poem

That comes to my mind

Divinely somehow

And there is no preparation

And no aggravation for me

Other than impatience at needing to get it out

And it’s funny because as this piece is winding down

My body is becoming more tired

And I am more sleepy

So I have completed my task for tonight

And now I can sleep peacefully



Or can I?

Because although this piece is done

The other ones are not…